I’ve been thinking a lot about my ex-boyfriend. What if I hadn’t broken up with him? What if we were still together? How might my life and relationship be different?
These were questions that came up in a coaching conversation recently. Not out of loneliness, but out of restlessness and questioning in her current relationship. A relationship she considers a very good one, and with a great guy, but…what if?
This is not uncommon. Distracting ourselves with thoughts of another or alternative life scenarios is another sneaky way that our mind/ego can pull us out of the present and rob us of the opportunity to really relish in the beauty of what’s right in front of us.
Why am I having these thoughts? What does it mean?
Well, it means whatever you want it to mean. We give meaning to whatever thought we choose to latch onto and obsess over. A countless number of thoughts pass through our mind every moment of every day, and always will. What we have control over is which ones we choose to entertain, to indulge in, to explore.
This includes criticisms of your partner. Latching onto what he doesn’t do for you instead of what he does do. Latching onto his weaknesses instead of his strengths. Latching onto what’s not fun instead of what is.
What would happen if you completely flipped that around?
The guidance I gave the client above…Every time you find your mind wandering over to your ex and indulging in the what-ifs, I want you to go over to your man, give him a kiss, look into his eyes and say, “I love you.”
Just considering this made her giggle and gave her butterflies of excitement. When we spoke a week later she said so much had already transformed! Why? Because she was choosing different thoughts and different actions, which of course yield different results!
I invite you to play with this over the course of this next week. Next time you feel ready to lash out at your partner in anger, choose not to. Instead, think of something you love and appreciate about him. Notice your internal energy (emotions) change. Then say it to him! Imagine if instead of letting criticism fly out of your mouth, you let loose with a bunch of gratitude instead?
It’s Thanksgiving season here in the U.S. I challenge you to show gratitude to your partner every single day and see how it opens the space for you to fall in love daily.
You can compliment him too. Let him know how handsome he looks, how good he smells, how much you love watching basketball with him.
Be the change!
Love is not to be taken for granted, and it doesn’t continue to blossom on its own. If you want to be in love with your partner, constantly be on the lookout for everything you adore and appreciate about him (rather than everything that drives you crazy). I promise, if you do this, your life will change for the better.
Now it’s your turn. Do something RIGHT NOW to show love and appreciation for your partner (it can be as simple as a spontaneous kiss on the cheek), then in the comments below share how it felt and how it was received.
Wishing you a happy, peaceful, and loving Thanksgiving. I’m grateful for you!