How to have a good relationship with your mother

I believe that having a good relationship with your mother is a choice. Like any other relationship, it means you have to show up, be present, and be willing to give as much as you receive.

 

This week was my mom’s 60th birthday. At this important milestone in her life, I found myself reflecting on our relationship and all the transformations it’s gone through. Like with most mother-daughter relationships, it has its complexities, challenges, and triumphs. Overall though, there is a deep sense of shared loved and gratitude, which I do my best not to take for granted.

 

As a child, if you are blessed with the presence of a loving mom or mother figure, you are cared for and you trust in that care. In essence, you take it for granted because that is her role in your life. You welcome it with open arms because you need to be nurtured in that way.

 

As you get older, you start to test that love and push it away. As your reality and awareness change, you might even reject your mother’s love completely. Once you reach adulthood though, it’s time to view your relationship with your mom in a new way, with fresh eyes and with all you have come to know about what creates a healthy relationship. You are now in a position to care for and love your mom in a way you couldn’t as a child or a teenager, and that is a beautiful thing.

 

I adore my mother and believe we have a very good relationship. However, it has not always been this way. Our relationship has been tested many times, suffered painful emotional hardships, endured separations by entire continents, yet here we are, loving and supporting each other in any way we can. I believe it’s that way because I made a conscious choice to have a good relationship with my mom, to love and embrace her for exactly who she is, and receive with gratitude all that she brings to my life.

 

Wherever my fierce sense of independence came from, it caused me to push away my mom’s care for me for some time. Also, there were times I felt abandoned, and times I abandoned her. But now I can view all of those times with so much compassion as we were both going through struggles that tested our strength and our place in the world.

 

Now I welcome my mom’s selfless care for me with open arms, because it feels oh so amazing to be cared for and loved unconditionally! I also feel much more equipped to support her lovingly when she needs me. The fact that my mom feels confident in reaching out to me for support, love and guidance is a wonderful gift that I give joyfully.

56 Mom and Sash

We can choose to be either magnetic or repellent. It’s up to you to determine with whom you want to have thriving relationships, and who you are willing to let go of. Those that are important to you are the ones that you will show up for without judgment and with an open heart. As an adult, that includes your mom! Though she might love you unconditionally, in order to have a joyful relationship, meet her love with gratitude, and support her in any way you can.

 

If you love and appreciate your mom, take action now and let her know! Let go of past injuries and embrace a transformed relationship. Celebrate, love and support each other.

 

Happy Birthday Mom. I love you!

 

Sash

 

P.S. Treat your mom to something lovely for Valentine’s day, such as handcrafted Belle Coco Nourishing Oil for Body and Hair or a luxurious Thai Yoga Massage.

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Published by Sasha Marie Stone

Happiness Engineer at Automattic, work-from-home wellness expert, life coach, and dog mom.

13 thoughts on “How to have a good relationship with your mother

  1. Dear Sasha:

    Lovely story! I always tell my mom Love you, and she does the same. It’s your best friend, and when your heart is aching in pain and sorrow mother’s will cheer you up. We go shopping together, we watch tv together. Not always we are together, but I love her and know she is thinking well of me. Having a disability, I get people who dis me. My mother is the most un-judgemental, compassionate, supportive person there is. I know when something is bothers me, I could talk to my Mom.

    Happy Birthday to your Mom! 60 Birthday candles, that’s a lot of candles on a cake. 🙂

    David

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    1. That’s wonderful David. Yes, my mom is my biggest supporter and loudest cheerleader. We are blessed to have such loving mothers.

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  2. Happy birthday to your Mom, Sasha! She is lovely, as are you. I appreciate all that you have said about your mom, as I feel much the same about mine–who will turn 91 next Monday. I’m doing my best to cherish every day I have with her.

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  3. I loved my Mom, I admired my Mom. But didn’t quite get the complexities, richness, compassion, and strength of my Mom until after she passed and I grew older. I am deeply indebted to my Mom and the beauty with which she walked on this planet. I love you Mom.

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  4. Thank you for another beautiful piece of writing from your heartfelt experience of you and your Mum and your journey thus far in all it’s wonderful complexities and shared joy. Your honesty and clear delivery empowers me in my own relationships.

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  5. Beautiful, Sasha. It wasn’t until I started loving and accepting myself that my relationship with my mom got to a good place. The transition was painful at times, but totally worth it. Ironically, now that I’m not desperately trying to get that acceptance from her, I can truly receive her unconditional love which was, of course, always there. Thanks for sharing, and happy birthday to your mom!

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    1. That’s such an important discovery Patty, about self-acceptance. I think the constant need for parental approval is often what keeps people from really connecting with their parents in an authentic way. I’m happy to hear that your relationship with your mom is in a good place. Thank you for sharing.

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  6. My Mom was the most caring, loving, teaching mother to me in my early years. We sort of lost communication around my puberty. She had only 40% hearing from scarlet fever as a child. It was difficult to speak of intimate subjects with her without yelling loudly. We always had lots of hugging and kissing. She passed at age 88 following a fall. I speak with my Mom’s spirit now knowing that my very thoughts have wings to reach her. I always felt loved and I have always loved her.

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    1. That’s beautiful Maya, thank you for sharing. The teenage years were really hard for me and my mom too, for a number of reasons. I’m happy we made it through to a new level of love, trust, and acceptance. Blessings to you and your mom angel.

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