What are you trying to prove?

Lately I’m noticing that many people are on a constant unconscious quest to prove exactly the opposite of what they want to be true. There’s a tendency to stack up all the evidence that supports the belief that you suck, that you’re broke, that it’s not working, that the world is a dangerous place…


It appears we are all brilliant detectives and can find the evidence that supports whatever we want to prove. Unfortunately, what we’re often trying to prove is a limiting belief that somehow keeps us stuck in misery. The good news is, you can use your inner Sherlock Holmes in your favor to find all the evidence that supports how awesome you are, and elevates you to a state of optimism and excitement.


For example, I’ve been working with a health coach on a hormonal imbalance issue that comes with a plethora of undesirable symptoms. Since working this particular program though, most of the symptoms are gone. In fact, ALL of the symptoms are gone except for one. That is HUGE progress and is making a major positive difference in my life.


Yet, on our last coaching call, I was moaning about how discouraged I felt, and how it all didn’t make sense, and why is this happening?? Why did I feel this way even with such major progress? Because I was focusing all of my attention on that one remaining symptom rather than on everything that’s going splendidly. Thankfully, my coach pointed this out, and when I examined all the evidence that suggests that I’m doing so well, I felt uplifted, motivated, and encouraged to keep moving forward with the protocol.


It’s interesting isn’t it? If I stayed focus on that one thing that hasn’t been healed, I would be tempted to throw in the towel and just forget about the whole thing. Instead, by shifting my focus to everything that has transformed, I felt motivated to keep going.


This same theme came up repeatedly with my coaching clients over the past few weeks. Limiting beliefs such as “I’m unfocused. I’m lazy. I’m destined to be alone forever” popped up. And you know what? We could probably find evidence to support all those ideas. But what’s the point of that? Instead, upon further examination we found the opposite to be true, and the result was boosted self-esteem and the motivation to stay on the path.

Looking for the evidence that supports what you want or how you want to be is far more productive than looking for evidence to support what you don’t want or what you don’t want to be true about your character. It gives you positive reinforcement, and positive reinforcement is a far more effective motivator than negative reinforcement.


By the way, this works for how you view anything. Your boyfriend, your husband, your wife, your boss, your mother, your local grocery store, the state of the world today. There is evidence to support that they are awesome and that they suck. Guess which one makes you feel happier?


Now, my love, this is not about denial, which is a beast. If your boyfriend is a tyrant, it’s not going to serve you to find all the ways he’s a sweetheart. If you are suffering from extreme sleep deprivation, it’s not going to serve you to find all the ways that you are well rested.


Do you see? In the above cases it doesn’t make sense because evidence that supports the positive is not in service to you. It’s not in your best interest to ignore that someone is abusive or that you’re never getting enough sleep. But, if you’re somehow holding yourself back from happiness (that’s why it’s called a “limiting” belief), then it serves you to give yourself an energy boost by proving that you are gorgeous, that you are productive, that you are motivated, that you are a hard worker, that you’re a success, etc.


I’m curious, what are you trying to prove? Where in your life can you look for evidence to support your awesomeness (or someone else’s) and let go of the constant search to prove otherwise? I dare you to brag about it! Right here in the comments! Or if you’re feeling shy, at least do so in a journal. Either way, it’s time to stop putting yourself down and start celebrating instead.


Happy hunting!

Love, Sasha


P.S. Want some help tapping into your inner guidance? Come to You Are The Compass, a complimentary workshop for women.





Published by Sasha Marie Stone

Happiness Engineer at Automattic, work-from-home wellness expert, life coach, and dog mom.

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