Part 1 of How to Love Your Relationship NOW (even if you think it sucks)
Women thrive on pleasure. It’s like fuel to our souls. When a woman is happy, when a woman is in her joy, everyone around her feels it. The air around her feels lighter and brighter, and she brings everyone along for the ride.
The opposite is true too. When a woman is angry, worn out, or depressed, the air around her is heavy. Rather than the freedom and magnetism of her joy, people around her walk on eggshells or shut down in order not to fan the flames. Her energy becomes cold and repellent.
It is for this reason that it’s a great idea for your partner to do their best to nurture your pleasure. Everyone benefits! Yet, how receptive are you to receiving joy and pleasure in your life?
Here’s the thing…if you don’t take responsibility for your own joy, no-one else will! When you prioritize your pleasure, those around you will gladly contribute. When you’re prickly and miserable, everyone will gladly stay away.
Common complaints go something like this…
“I do all the work around the house on the weekend while he’s out golfing with his friends. I wish he’d go dancing with me sometime!”
“I’m exhausted, then I see him lying around taking a nap. Must be nice!”
“I feel so bored sometimes. People are out being adventurous, enjoying the city and we’re at home watching Netflix.”
There’s a couple problems here…
1) Female perfectionism (this one will show up repeatedly throughout the series). You’re trying to make everything around you look perfect, putting a ton of pressure on yourself to excel in all categories of life, while your partner is off doing something he/she enjoys with friends.
My suggestion: Follow their lead! If there’s something fun you’d rather be doing, then make plans to do it. Call up some friends, put it on the calendar, let your partner know he’s on babysitting duty, and off you go. And, take a nap once in awhile.
Or…if you’re someone that takes pleasure in a pristine environment, then drop the resentment around spending your time maintaining it. Instead, take joy in that. Put on your favorite music while you’re cleaning and dance while you scrub. Listen to a fascinating podcast (there are so many). When you’re complete, sit down with a cup of tea and savor the peace and tranquility of your clean space. Take pleasure from the things you enjoy rather than letting them become a source of stress.
2) Expecting your partner to take charge of the fun. When you spend a lot of time with someone, it’s easy to get drawn into their energy. I find this particularly true with women getting drawn into their man’s energy, even if it’s the opposite of her operating system. This is why you might be watching Netflix instead of going to the outdoor festival or going out to a bar instead of staying home painting. You’re flowing with your partner’s desires rather than connecting with your own.
My suggestion: Make your own fun plans. Take inventory of the things you like to do. How present are they on your calendar? Make a plan for yourself to do something that you find fun, then invite your partner if you feel like it. And if they don’t want to come, so what? Do it anyway. You don’t need to have your partner by your side every minute in order to enjoy life.
Go have some fun ladies!
Now it’s your turn: In the comments below, share your biggest takeaway. How does this topic resonate with your personal experience and what’s one thing you’re going to do to take responsibility for your own joy?
Be on the lookout for Part 2: Trust him to take care of himself.