Take responsibility for your own joy

Sasha Hula Hooping

Part 1 of How to Love Your Relationship NOW (even if you think it sucks)


Women thrive on pleasure. It’s like fuel to our souls. When a woman is happy, when a woman is in her joy, everyone around her feels it. The air around her feels lighter and brighter, and she brings everyone along for the ride.


The opposite is true too. When a woman is angry, worn out, or depressed, the air around her is heavy. Rather than the freedom and magnetism of her joy, people around her walk on eggshells or shut down in order not to fan the flames. Her energy becomes cold and repellent.


It is for this reason that it’s a great idea for your partner to do their best to nurture your pleasure. Everyone benefits! Yet, how receptive are you to receiving joy and pleasure in your life?


Here’s the thing…if you don’t take responsibility for your own joy, no-one else will! When you prioritize your pleasure, those around you will gladly contribute. When you’re prickly and miserable, everyone will gladly stay away.


Common complaints go something like this…


“I do all the work around the house on the weekend while he’s out golfing with his friends. I wish he’d go dancing with me sometime!”


“I’m exhausted, then I see him lying around taking a nap. Must be nice!”


“I feel so bored sometimes. People are out being adventurous, enjoying the city and we’re at home watching Netflix.”


There’s a couple problems here…

1) Female perfectionism (this one will show up repeatedly throughout the series). You’re trying to make everything around you look perfect, putting a ton of pressure on yourself to excel in all categories of life, while your partner is off doing something he/she enjoys with friends.


My suggestion: Follow their lead! If there’s something fun you’d rather be doing, then make plans to do it. Call up some friends, put it on the calendar, let your partner know he’s on babysitting duty, and off you go. And, take a nap once in awhile.


Or…if you’re someone that takes pleasure in a pristine environment, then drop the resentment around spending your time maintaining it. Instead, take joy in that. Put on your favorite music while you’re cleaning and dance while you scrub. Listen to a fascinating podcast (there are so many). When you’re complete, sit down with a cup of tea and savor the peace and tranquility of your clean space. Take pleasure from the things you enjoy rather than letting them become a source of stress.


2) Expecting your partner to take charge of the fun. When you spend a lot of time with someone, it’s easy to get drawn into their energy. I find this particularly true with women getting drawn into their man’s energy, even if it’s the opposite of her operating system. This is why you might be watching Netflix instead of going to the outdoor festival or going out to a bar instead of staying home painting. You’re flowing with your partner’s desires rather than connecting with your own.


My suggestion: Make your own fun plans. Take inventory of the things you like to do. How present are they on your calendar? Make a plan for yourself to do something that you find fun, then invite your partner if you feel like it. And if they don’t want to come, so what? Do it anyway. You don’t need to have your partner by your side every minute in order to enjoy life.


Go have some fun ladies!


Now it’s your turn: In the comments below, share your biggest takeaway. How does this topic resonate with your personal experience and what’s one thing you’re going to do to take responsibility for your own joy?


Be on the lookout for Part 2: Trust him to take care of himself.





Published by Sasha Marie Stone

Happiness Engineer at Automattic, work-from-home wellness expert, life coach, and dog mom.

8 thoughts on “Take responsibility for your own joy

  1. I love my guy a lot, but he has stuff everywhere and it drives me nuts. Not that I’m super tidy either, but I feel resentful when I have to clean up his stuff AND mine. I knew this going into this, so I was already warned. I’m just going to make it fun for myself, cleaning my stuff, and then just ask him to do specific things. He’s good when I actually ask him to do a task.


    1. I think that’s a great idea Evie. And you bring up an important point. Sometimes it’s as simple as asking. What one person might be hyper-aware of, the other might not even notice. Yet when pointed out (nicely), will happily accommodate. Let me know how it goes!


    1. Do you have some ideas about places you might want to go or things you might want to try? Maybe you could make a list then make it a goal to do one per week, either by yourself or with a friend.


  2. I Love my husband a lot but with 2 small childern and lack of sleep, it takes a toll on your relationship. It is hard not to feel resentment towards someone when you feel you do all the work.
    I think what you said was spot on. And I plan to take an inventory on somethings I want to do that’s fun and get’s me out of the house.


    1. That’s a great idea Neisha! When you’re happier, he’ll see that and likely will want to support you in making that happen more often. Also, keep an eye out for the third email in this series. It will give you some tips to help with those moments when you feel the resentment kicking in.


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