On Friday, September 27, Tropical Storm Helene plowed through Western North Carolina (WNC), decimating small towns and the city of Asheville. Just a few days later, the CEO of my company, as a result of a legal battle with another web host, offered anyone not aligned with his mission the opportunity to exit with six months of severance (you can read more about that here). That meant, that along with the stress and anxiety of the devastation around me, I was faced with a critical choice that I didn’t feel I had the mental or emotional capacity to make.
Sixteen years ago, I found myself in a similar convergence of major life events. I was living in Los Angeles in the midst of the 2008 economic crash. A few days after telling my (now ex) husband I was leaving him, I was laid off from my job. A few weeks later, with less than two thousand dollars to my name and no income in sight, I moved into an empty apartment and started my life anew.
Everything that happened after that is worthy of a published novel, which I’ve been writing in my head for several years. It was the scariest, most exciting, most magical and unbelievable episode of my life I had yet to experience. I took several major leaps of faith, which for the most part worked out really well. At the same time, in hindsight, I see that it took me a decade to fully recover from the upheaval of that defining moment. I wouldn’t trade it for the world, because the learning was so profound, but to say it changed me is a massive understatement.
That time of my life cracked me open spiritually and had me playing in a realm of magic and faith that was brand new to me. It was thrilling and really cool things happened. Certain things fell into place with perfection. Other events were traumatic and extremely destabilizing. As time marched on, and choices resulted in a variety of different consequences, I leaned more into practicality than magic. More into stability than chaos. More into patience than demanding immediate results. And that is the person I am now.
When we regained cell service a few days after Helene struck, I was able to take in the reality of the devastation around me. It was absolutely heartbreaking. Huge swaths of Asheville destroyed by flooding. Friends’ homes with caved-in roofs from fallen trees. Entire towns obliterated by the force of the river’s surge. It was mind-boggling.
Having online employment independent of the devastation around me was a comfort. All the concern and outreach from my colleagues was heartening. It felt like a point of strength and stability in the chaos, and I was deeply grateful.
And then, some of my colleagues started leaving Automattic, accepting the severance offer for various reasons. The more people said goodbye, the greater the sense of panic that set in. With only a couple days remaining to make my choice, I started wavering. Was I tethering myself to a sinking ship? Was the physical chaos around me a mirror of the chaos happening at work? If I didn’t take the severance offer, was I missing out on an opportunity to reinvent my life?
I took stock:
- I have a home here in North Carolina that I love, that was unharmed by the storm, and that gives me great comfort and joy.
- I have a partner whom I love, and we’re committed to the life that we’re creating here.
- I have a job that I love, with colleagues that inspire me and make me laugh every single day.
The truth is, my life now is nothing like it was sixteen years ago, and though chaos might erupt around me, I feel stable and clear. I know what’s important to me, and even though I get triggered by FOMO, I’ve learned how to prioritize.
So I stayed. I have no desire to reinvent my life right now, because this is the life that I’ve created, and I love it. That is such a good feeling! I still have exciting visions for the future, and I’m committed to a steady build instead of a giant leap.
How you can help
Click here for ways to help local businesses in Asheville!
A lot of people and local businesses around me were deeply impacted by the storm. If you’ve ever visited Asheville and the surrounding area, you know that local businesses embody the spirit of this unique part of the country. You can contribute directly to their recovery through the following GoFundMe campaigns, for businesses that are near and dear to my heart:
Heilbron Herbs: Their studio was located in downtown Marshall, which was decimated by flooding. They are a business of the highest integrity and need support to recover and rebuilt. GoFundMe
Scorch Fitness: Their River Arts District studio, where I attend class religiously twice a week, was destroyed by flooding. Many consider Scorch to be an integral part of their mental and physical wellbeing, myself included. GoFundMe
Chai Pani Employee Relief Fund: An institution in Asheville with some of the most beloved restaurants. Their employees need help to survive while their restaurants are closed. GoFundMe
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