A Journal Entry

I’m outside, in my backyard, in the cool shade of a tree on a hot summer day, painting clouds. Could there be anything more luxurious?

A few minutes prior, I attempted to sit out here in silence, without anything to occupy my hands and only my thoughts to occupy my mind. It was…uncomfortable, and I was acutely aware of the discomfort, of my inability to find mental peace and stillness in a moment of such perfection.

I started asking, Who would I be without the endless need to do, and to produce? Without all the external chatter I buy into on what it takes to be successful and make my dreams come true? Without the constant distractions and the odd compulsion to share these small moments on Instagram? Without the endless stream of questioning and mental nagging to finish projects, start new ones, and fulfill my highest potential? What would I do without all the self-judgement and the mental freedom to just be, in any given moment? 

What would pull me? How would I spend my time? What would feel satisfying?

I think probably exactly this. Painting clouds. Writing my reflections.