Photo of cloud drawing

Lately I’m reflecting on my many selves. I Shazammed that techno song, Motto, and the mini phone-screen video in Spotify reminded me of a long-neglected self: glam-dance-queen-party-girl.

Drop a few bills and pop a few champagne bottles.

Damn, that sounds fun.

That girl needs a night out.

She’s been speaking to me lately. So has my inner artist, writer, and Zen homemaker. I’ve been sick for the past couple days, stuck in bed, and when I’m in that state I get very distressed because none of the selves feel like they can come out to play and they all start screaming for attention. It’s very annoying.

Then at work, we had the Theory of Enchantment, an anti-racism workshop. This was all about innate human complexity and how this comes in direct conflict with our compulsion to judge and categorize. Until we make peace with our own complexity, how can we possibly be accepting of everyone else’s?

It takes time, slowing down, and listening to get to know your complexity, your many selves. No human is only one way all the time. I think it’s neglecting or burying essential parts of our self that makes us unhappy at work, restless in our relationships, and propels the propensity to numb through TV and endless scrolling. People often have affairs because they’re seeking something outside of their relationship to fulfill them. Why not fulfill yourself?

My challenge these days, what is calling the loudest, is my creativity, especially writing. I can feel myself avoiding, and I allow myself to get sucked into the TV numbing, the scrolling numbing, even the work-is-so-stressful numbing. After all, I am human, and I’ve gotta find a way to love the avoider too.

Because I’m a routine oriented person, I lean on routine to solve problems. New experiment: morning writing. Before work, before the Slack DMs and endless problems to solve, before the exhaustion kicks in, let my inner author come out to play. Evenings will be for exercise, connecting with my partner, and preparing for the next day.

Wish me luck!

I’m curious, which of your selves is asking for attention these days? What can you do to let that person know they are loved and valued?

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